The night goes and the sun is coming up
The alarm wakes me also annoying me
I get to to school like a school of fish
Studying subjects things are cramped in my head
As having lunch I get to meet my food
After 8 hours I return to my home
So good to be at home sweet home every day
I get to rest and do my daily homework
Dinner comes to me satisfying menu
The day goes and the moon is coming up.
Nice job trying to keep the iambic pentameter, but needs few edits. Also, the meaning is very hard to understand because i don't get half of what you are saying, such as "fish school" (what the hack is fish school?) Try to write your lines in a full sentence, not just words
ReplyDeletepoem is well made, but it will need some changes. Try putting some commas like, 'The alarm wakes me, also annoying me'. Without it the whole poem is just confusing. (By the way, what is a "fish school"?)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your poem, you should try to keep your iambic pentameter in and try to add some rhyeme scheme in the end of your poem. Other than that your poem is really good.
ReplyDelete